„Ihren Ausweis, bitte”

So I was frisked by the cops today. Apparently they can do that here. I was just chilling on a bench, had been there for about 20 minutes or so, probably, and all of a sudden three guys dressed in street clothes show up and demand to see ID. Yeah, right, I say. Yeah, actually, right, they say. One guy flashes me his badge, sees I’m not satisfied, then lets me take a long gander at it. It did indeed look totally legit, but what the hell do I know about German police badges. And no one in this trio, I should mention, was much older than I am, and other than that badge, the only thing remotely policey about them was the walkie-talkie the badge-bearer was brandishing and a pair of handcuffs I espied on the belt of his buddy.

Badge-bearer wants to see my ID, and I resist, and he says, “No, I’m a cop, you have to show me your ID.” So I take out my passport, he flips it open to the picture page with me still holding onto it, then tries to take it from me. Again I resist, as there’s no way I’m about to be ripped off by a bunch of kids pretending they’re cops. But on the bench beside me there had been a German kid sitting, roughly my age, maybe a year older, and he’s going along with this, letting them frisk him. So I grumble and finally say, “When in Rome….”

The guy the hands my passport to his buddy, silences my protest, then asks whether I have any illegal items on my person or in my bag such as drugs or weapons. I say that I do not. He asks me to take my hand out of my pocket, and he doesn’t ask nicely. I comply. He then begins to remove all items from one of my pockets, inspect them, replace them, then move onto the next pocket. In my hoodie pockets I had my keychain and the other set of room keys. (I had been keeping them in my hoodie pocket, one for each hand, so I wouldn’t lose them.) In my front right pocket, I had a pen and a receipt from the internet cafe: 1,30€; Logincode: 35C1EFC5. In my front left pocket, I had my digital camera.

My back right pocket yielded my wallet, which was of much interest to this chap. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him, especially with my very limited funds potentially in grave danger in his hands, but I wanted to maintain visual contact with my passport in the hands of his partner, who, I saw, was now repeating, “Herr Schäfer” and then spelling out my passport number into his walkie talkie. Maybe this was all a front to get my passport information to sell on the black market, but I couldn’t figure out what good that would do anyone. Then again, I’m an idiot.

So the guy who showed me the badge is inspecting my wallet, flipping through business cards–he saw one that he found compelling enough to sniff–poking here and there. Didn’t even count the money I had in it, though. It was returned to me intact. They had just finished with the guy who had been sitting next to me on the bench, and wished him a good day. They hand me back my passport, say „Schönen Tag,” and disappear.

I turned to my bench friend and began to interrogate him. Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: What the hell was that? Did that really just happen?
Him: Sure. Why not?
Me: Dude, were they really police officers? I’m form the USA, and that is totally freaking illegal there. You could never do that. Ever.”
Him: Yep, it is. I mean, Munich’s a big city, so they’re allowed to kontrollieren anyone they see fit, in order to keep drugs and weapons off the streets.
Me: But… really?
Him: Yeah. So where are you from?
Me: The USA.
Him: Yeah, but where are you really from?
Me: Um… oh, sorry! Philadelphia.
Him: No, I mean your German. Where here?
Me: Oh, I’ve studied it for a long time. Yeah. I’m American.
Him: OK.

Yes, I included that last part because it gave me a much needed ego boost. I must say, though, that if one’s German is truly good, it doesn’t warrant compliment. I’ve noticed that, even if someone has an accent, if their German is impeccable, the respectful thing to do is not to mention it. But enough modesty.

This guy seems to say it’s cool. I’ve shot my Berlin buddy Cihan (from ESLP) an e-mail relating this story, and hopefully he’ll not say, “Dude!! You got ripped off! That’s totally illegal in Germany!” He’s studying law, so I trust him to know what’s up. Comment for me, buddy!

I wish I had thought to ask what would have happened if I hadn’t had my passport on me.

That is all for this tale.