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I AM BEOWULF!

OK so this movie rocked so hard I had to flex my entire body to maintain consciousness during it. If cool could be measured in Gs, this movie was like a billion Gs. Beowulf is so badass it crushed my bones just to watch him.

He fought Grendel naked. It in all honesty does not get cooler than that, ever. And so what if it’s a little gay to hang with your bros while naked? They are Vikings. Everything they do instantly becomes the paragon of masculinity.

When we left the theater and came outside, around 1:30am, there was snow everywhere, about two inches of it. It was the kind that packed beautifully into snowballs. Since pretty much the whole movie was shot in a snowy landscape (occasionally a scene was inside, meaning snow was briefly not visible), it was a bit much for me to come out and be reminded once again of that Viking lifestyle.

So I stripped naked and began brawling with strangers on their way home from the bar. I picked the ugly ones, so it was just like fighting Grendel.

Snowball fights the whole way home, with choruses of “ICH… BIN… BEOWULF!” ringing through the streets of Munich.

I want a dragon for a pet just so I can raise it to adulthood and then battle it.